An Out of Body Experience!
by christique
Summary: Old Challenge response. Rated T-M. MA Just when they thought things couldn't get any weirder, Max and Alec meet a mysterious stranger and end up swapping bodies for a week! The two transgenics barely get along in their own skins; can they keep from killing each other *as* each other? Or will they gain a better perspective? The ultimate, and confused, battle of the sexes begins!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of its characters... but if I had a basement, Alec would probably be locked inside. ^-^ Also, I'm not making any money off of this. **If I was, I'd probably quit my real-life job and write shows that I would not give to Fox, because that is where good shows go to die.  
**A/N: **Hey, everyone! It's been awhile. (A LONG while. See my author's page for details.) I found this old fic collecting dust on my computer and decided to show it some love since I still really liked the idea and I no longer have term papers to write. (If ever there was a sure way of killing one's writing muse, it's term papers...) Sadly I've lost the name of the person who originally came up with this challenge, so I can't give them credit (even though I REALLY want to!), but here's a copy of the original challenge:

**Challenge requirements:**  
1. Max and Alec swap bodies for one week.  
2. They must somehow retain some of the more recent memories...it's up to you what kinds of memories (just don't go all the way to the past)  
3. Max must notice how many girls hit on Alec, and be tempted to hit on them right back. She must use the following lines:  
"You're a unique creature unlike any other," and "My toothbrush is green."  
4. Alec must feel Max's sexual frustration (LOL!) He must say the lines, "I got an itch I'm lookin' to scratch," and "Oooh, silk sheets!"  
5. They must "meet up" and strategize how they're supposed to live in each other's shoes...this can be funny or angsty, or fluffy, it's up to you, but I just wanna see a scene where they basically have to go, "You're me, and I'm you!"  
7. have fun!

So there you have it. I started this five years ago. Now I want to finish it. Not sure how long it'll be yet. Enjoy! :)

-Christique

* * *

**An Out of Body Experience!**

"Thank you, thank you! Come again! All right, who's next? Huh? Anyone? C'mon, step right up! Anybody man enough to take me on?"

Max rolled her eyes in extreme annoyance at the voice echoing through the bar. She turned to face Cindy. "Question: why is it that he's so annoying that he can be heard even above this loud music and yelling?"

Cindy squinted at Max from across the table and held a hand up to her ear. "Whatchu sayin', Boo? Original Cindy can't hardly hear a sista in this loud-ass joint."

Max pursed her lips and leaned into the table. "Why's he gotta be so damn annoying?" she said a little louder.

Cindy frowned. "What? Annoying? Who?"

"Alec!" Max called.

"Yes, Max?"

Max sighed in frustration before turning around in her seat to face the goofy grin she knew would be waiting for her. "I wasn't talking to you. Go away."

Alec looked from side to side and shot Max a look that clearly said she was losing her mind. "Is there some other Alec I need to know about then?"

"No, thank God."

Alec placed a hand over his heart and shot Max a pained look. "Max, that hurts. It really does."

"Don't you have some poor innocents to scam?"

Alec shrugged. "Actually, nobody seemed willing to take me on at the pool table. I can't imagine why…," he added with an arrogant grin.

Max rolled her eyes again. "Oh, please, Pretty Boy. You think you're so hot."

Alec smirked. "I don't _have_ to think it. It's told to me every day, Max."

"So you don't have to think… I guess that would eliminate the headaches, then?"

"Oh, very funny, Max. You do stand-up?"

Max glared at the irritating transgenic. "More like _slap_-stick!" she said as she swatted him hard on the arm.

OC just shook her head at the antics of her two friends. They were absolutely ridiculous! "I'm gonna get another round, Boo. You an' ya boy jus' sit tight and don't kill each other," she said as she got up, only partially kidding.

Cindy reached the bar and called for the barkeeper, who lumbered over and looked expectantly at her. "Original Cindy needs another round a' beer." The barkeep nodded and shuffled off to fill her order.

"That all for you?"

Cindy spun around to see who was talking to her so suddenly and found herself facing a really good-looking guy about her age. His lightning blue eyes bored into her own widened dark ones. Cindy might have been attracted to him if she was straight.

She shook herself to break free of the momentary awkward silence and found her voice. "Uh… no. Original Cindy can hold her liquor, but damn! Not _that _much!"

The strange guy chuckled. "No, I guess not. It's real sweet of you to buy for your friends."

OC held up a finger in warning. "Dontchu start gettin' fresh wit Original Cindy, 'cuz she ain't into the three-legged half of the human race. And _don't _act like she's a saint, neither. She jus' left the table to get the hell outta there before the heads began to roll," she added with a nod in the direction of Max and Alec, who could still be faintly heard arguing over the din.

The stranger's too-blue eyes followed her nod over to her table and watched Max and Alec bicker for a little while, absently running a hand through his black curls and pursing his full lips thoughtfully.

"Friends of yours?" he asked casually.

"You could say that. She's my best girl, and _he_… well, don't really know what he is… but he's always there, so I guess you could call us all friends." Cindy frowned abruptly. Why was she even bothering to talk to this guy? It wasn't like she knew him or cared if he would think she was a total bitch if she happened to slap him upside the head and tell him to mind his own damn business. Why was she suddenly okay with spilling her guts to a total stranger?

The guy just nodded wisely. "They're confused."

Cindy stared. This guy was a weirdo! "What the hell you talkin' 'bout?"

He turned those intense eyes back to her. "Let's take that pitcher back to the table."

Everything felt fuzzy. Cindy nodded and mumbled, "Okay," before she could stop herself. She shook her foggy head and found herself back at the table with the strange guy, setting beer down for her friends, who had stopped arguing to look up curiously at the new face.

Max gave the guy an obviously distrusting look and turned to Cindy. "Cin, who's the guy?"

Alec looked warily back and forth between Cindy and the stranger.

The man sent them a smile full of bright white teeth. "Max, Alec. My name is Seth. It's nice to finally meet you."

The transgenics' confused looks dissolved as Seth met their gazes. They just stared blankly into his eyes.

"Tell me," he continued, "how are you two getting along lately?"

Max's face took on an irritated cast. "He annoys the hell out of me. It makes me want to be mean to him so he'll just go away and leave me less confused."

Alec piped up with a frown. "She's so angry all the time, it's hard to be around her. And when she's _not_ angry, she's sad, which is almost _worse_ to stomach. I feel like she's constantly pissed at me for no reason, and it's really frustrating. She still blames me for the whole Logan thing," he added in a confidential murmur.

Max glared at him. "Maybe that's because it's all your fault!"

Alec held up his hands. "Hey, orders are orders, Maxie."

"DON'T call me MAXIE!" she yelled.

Seth touched them both gently on the shoulder. They stopped bickering and turned to look in his eyes. "See, this is exactly what I was afraid of. You two need to get along better, or the future of the transgenics will be a short and bloody one indeed. You don't get along because you don't understand each other. I'm going to help you understand each other." Then he smiled, and the last fuzzy thought Max had was that Seth had the whitest teeth she'd ever seen.

* * *

Max felt groggy. Her head hurt like hell, and she was completely disoriented. _Wait_, she thought, _was I sleeping? That's impossible! I don't sleep… What the hell is going on?_

She slid her legs out of bed, a corner of her mind vaguely registering that she was wearing some kind of red boxer shorts. Weird. When she stepped onto the cold floor, her head started hurting worse than before, and she groaned. Oddly, it sounded a lot deeper than she'd expected… Must have had a hell of a time at Crash. Her head burned with pain when she tried to recall the events of last night.

Finally, her feet carried her to the bathroom. She flipped on the lights and splashed cold water in her face. Everything felt so… odd… She noticed her hands then. "What the…?" A hand sprang to cover her mouth in shock and fear. Max looked up into the mirror.

She screamed.

* * *

It had to be the worst hangover in history. Alec sat up in bed and chastised himself for drinking too much last night. That had to be it, because he'd been with a hungover Sketchy too many times to _not _recognize the symptoms of a hangover. The only reason this really freaked him out was that he wasn't ever supposed to get hangovers. Thanks to his revved-up genetics, he wasn't even able to get drunk. Until last night…

His head exploded in pain. He could remember going to work yesterday, even some package deliveries and an amusing conversation with OC, but when he tried to think of later that night, it was like his brain put up a big wall covered with barbed wire. It _hurt_!

He slid out of the bed and padded to the bathroom. On the way he thought he felt something tickling his neck, and it was really annoying. Alec raised a slim hand to brush the hair off his neck. "…Hair…?" At the sound of his voice, Alec froze. "Hair," he tried again. "Oh God... Oh my GOD!" He ran to the bathroom and took a look in the mirror.

Max stared back at him. He watched her chocolate brown eyes widen in horror and shock. "Oh my God! Oh, this isn't happening. This is a really sick and twisted dream from all the drinks and, uh, I think maybe drugs from last night." As he tried to convince himself, though, it became apparent that it wasn't working. The more he talked reassuringly, the more he heard Max's voice ring out in the bathroom that, upon further inspection, wasn't his.

His super-enhanced brain powers were scurrying to sort out the emotions and thoughts hitting him all at once. The logical side of his brain was listing facts. He had Max's face somehow. He had Max's voice and body. He was wearing Max's clothes. He was, apparently, in Max's apartment. His head was hurting, and he really had to go to the bathroom. The creative and irrational parts of his brain were tossing around random thoughts like, "Max doesn't wear a bra to bed," "Thank God she didn't sleep over at Logan's last night," and, "I wonder where _my _body is right now…"

It was the last thought that stuck, and Max's head shot up to look in the mirror with her brown eyes seeming huge. "My body! If I'm here, Max must be in my body, at _my_ apartment!" Alec didn't know what to think about that. Max would probably be freaking out like he was here, but for now, there wasn't really a problem. As far as he could tell, Max's body held muscle memory he could use, which now guided him flawlessly towards the toilet….

"Oh shit. This is just wrong." He _really_ had to pee, and her body moved to sit, not stand like he was used to. The truly creepy part about this was that he was pretty sure he had to use toilet paper now. "Gross!" Worse yet, he was very attracted to Max. In fact, he probably would've tried to get with her by now if it weren't for her horrible personality. Now he'd never be able to look at her the same way ever again, not after having had to _wipe _for her! "Oh God…"

He'd been thinking that his own body was far too perfect to ever be embarrassed by. If Max had seen she was now, technically, Alec and had proceeded to strip down to admire his physique, he would've been just fine with that. No matter how annoying she found him, even she had to admit that he was a work of art. But if she had to do something this embarrassing in his body… He didn't want Max to look at him strangely for the rest of forever because of this freak incident.

"I have to call her," he decided. He held onto that thought as he finished the mortifying deed and focused all of his will into not looking down at _all_. Muscle memory could extend that far, too, it seemed. With freshly washed hands (scoured, really, with probably too much soap and searing hot water) and business taken care of, he dug around in his purse (a thought which caused him to groan out loud, and then groan again at hearing the first one sound so Max-like) for Max's cell phone.

* * *

**A/N2: **So it begins! insert evil chuckle Please tell me what you think! And what about the chapter length? Too short, too long, just right? It's been awhile since I've done this. I do have more written right now, but reviews make my fickle muse work faster! ;) Bad or good, I'd love to hear it!

Sincerely,

Christique


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Dark Angel. This is not for profit.  
A/N: **Hey, all! Thanks for reading, and a _big_ thanks to **Pinkbeachlulu** for taking the time to review! You are lovely! :) Here's the next part, without further ado.

* * *

Max decided that Alec should probably never have a girly panic attack. It would totally kill his rep with the female half of the species. She had almost never seen Alec without his cock-sure, devil-may-care grin. She had seen him briefly sad or angry, annoyed or even, _very _briefly, serious. But never had she seen his handsome face dissolve into a look of bug-eyed, lip-curled horror like it was now. It wasn't a good look for him.

Max moved her arms, and watched in the mirror as Alec's hands reached up suddenly to touch his face, groping desperately for reality. "How the hell… did this happen?" Max breathed out loud to the empty bathroom. Alec's voice sounded pinched. Max jumped before she could stop herself and realized that it was still just her in the apartment.

"Ohmigod… There's no way this is really happening!" Her eyes danced around as her mind worked furiously to make sense of the situation. "Okay, so… This is some really trippy head-rush I'm having from… food poisoning. Yeah, I thought that pizza yesterday tasted kinda off." Had she eaten pizza yesterday? Part of her mind said no, and the other swore she had, even conjured the image of a greasy cardboard box of pizza growing cold. He'd shrugged and grabbed another slice, telling himself it'd be fine. "I'm gonna close my eyes and count to ten… and maybe pinch myself… and when I open my eyes again, this nightmare will be over, I'll be in my right mind again… and body."

Max squeezed her eyes shut and counted slowly to ten while reaching up to twist a bit of skin under her clavicle. She winced all through counts eight, nine, and ten, then slowly opened her eyes. Alec's hazel eyes looked back at her in the mirror. "NO!" She tugged his T-shirt down at the neckline to see where she'd pinched herself, and an angry red welt was there. "No, no nonono!"

The sound of a phone ringing interrupted Max's mental breakdown. She let Alec's body go on auto pilot and quickly found his cell phone. A wave of nausea rushed over her as she looked at the caller ID. It told her that Max was calling.

Suddenly she was nervous. Her hands were shaking as she fumbled the phone open and pressed the answer button. "Hello?"

"You wanna tell me why I'm listed in your phone as 'Pain in my Ass'?"

"_Excuse me?_" Max gasped. It was her voice, she knew.

"Y'know, I have you in mine as just Max. Your name, that's it. For someone who's all big on names, you sure don't like using mine. I was looking through this thing thinking, 'Damn, does she not have my phone number?' I was trying to think if you'd ever called me on the phone while I scrolled through and checked the numbers of the names I didn't recognize. Then I come across this gem in your speed-dial section. While I'm touched that I'm number three on your speed-dial, the nickname is a little hurtful."

Max gaped at the phone. This was what she sounded like when she was on a tirade? Had Max just _scolded herself?_

"Max? You there?"

Max swallowed. Was she losing it?

"Look, it's Alec. Please tell me this is you, Max. Because if this isn't you I'm talking to right now, I don't know who else it could be. If some extra Freaky Friday special went down last night and somehow _Logan_ ended up in my body, I think I'm going to go put my head in the oven. …Which I suppose would mean I'd be putting Max's head in the oven. Huh."

"Alec? That's you?"

"Yes. I don't know what the hell happened, but somehow I'm in Max's body. Now please for the love of god tell me this is Max I'm talking to in _my_ body!"

Max shook her head to snap out of the surreal. "Yes, yes! It's Max."

"Are you sure? You don't sound too good."

How could he be so calm? Max felt like the ground was just pulled away from under her feet and she was freefalling! The situation and Alec's lack of panic contrasted with Max's feelings of nothing but were coming together to put Max in a temper. And how dare he go through her phone and yell at her for her contact list? It was her phone! She could call her contacts whatever she damn well pleased!

"Max?"

"No, I'm fan-freaking-tastic, Alec. I just woke up in a man's body. And guess what? I _know_ the man! He's possibly one of the most annoying human beings I've ever encountered. And now, I'm stuck at his apartment, wearing his boxers, living out his stomach pains from eating expired pizza before going to Crash last night! I've got no clue how this happened or how to reverse it! I'm doing just _awesome!_" she ended with fake enthusiasm.

There was a moment of quiet while Alec processed this information, and then Max heard her voice say back to her, "How did you know I had pizza last night? You weren't with me before we went to Crash."

Max shrugged even though she knew Alec wouldn't see. "Dunno. Just do."

"Hey, wait a minute… Yeah, you were with OC. Here, at the apartment. …Good lord, how many times a week do you really need to shave your legs?"

Max flushed pink with embarrassment. "Shuttup! We need to figure this out!" A thought hit her. "Wait, where's Cindy? She was with us last night; maybe she knows what's up. She around?"

"No, she left for work already. Probably a good thing, considering…"

Max felt her stomach – or, well, Alec's - drop. "Oh shit… OH SHIT! Alec, what're we going to do about work?"

There was a small sigh. "I guess we'll have to skip 'til we figure this out."

"No, no, Alec, you _cannot_ miss work while you're me, you hear me?"

Alec snorted rudely into the phone. "The hell not? You're late to Jam Pony every day. I think people would see it as a sign of the apocalypse if you showed up to work on time. Missing will not slow the place down."

Max forced down the acidic comments she wanted to throw at him for basically saying her work at Jam Pony was worthless and the place didn't need her at all. Instead she pressed the important issue. "Missing will get me _fired._ Normal spazzes whenever I miss. Last year after I broke out of Manticore, Normal pestered me for proof of my heart surgery until I had to lift my shirt to show him the scar." There was a long moment of silence. "You're picturing me lifting my shirt, aren't you?" she asked in a flat voice.

"No. Well, maybe…"

"Ugh. Anyways, missing work is not an option. Period!"

There was a pause. "Ohgod… please tell me you don't get those, like you have some kinda genetic component that makes it so you never… _you_ know…"

Max frowned. "What?"

"… … …You're really gonna make me say it?"

"What the HELL are you talking about now? I was talking about work!"

There was another pause. "Maxie, am I gonna have to have a _period_ as you?" Alec asked in the most uncomfortable, hoarse whisper Max had ever heard herself use.

Her eyes widened in horror. "I am not discussing this with you."

"Just give me some warning, okay? I'm not gonna be able to stop thinking about it until I know for sure I'm safe from it!"

Max clucked her tongue. "Ohmigod, you're an assassin! Grow up. It's just blood! You can handle it if it happens!"

She heard a moan come through the receiver. "Ohhhh no! So you _do_ get them! …Do you get them more frequently than Ordinaries? Is that why you're always acting like a bitch to me?"

"ALEC! WORK! We need to figure out what we are going to do at work!" Max was sure that her entire face was red.

"Well, I'm sorry, Max. You're mad that you're a man now? Big friggin' deal! Being a man is awesome! _I _have to deal with being a _woman_ now!"

Max's mouth fell open. "That is the most sexist thing I've ever heard you say, and I've heard you talk about some of the floozies you've slept with."

"…Who says 'floozy' anymore?"

Max groaned.

"No, my point was this. You now have to pee standing up. _I _now have to _wipe you after you pee!_"

Max gasped in horror. "You didn't!"

"Oh yes I did! I have to somehow get your hair up off your neck and pretend like I have this huge chip on my shoulder so that people will still think I'm you when I go to work today! I have to be the tough chick who my boss hates, while _you_ get to be the Golden Boy. And now, I might end up spontaneously erupting blood through a part of the anatomy I never thought I'd have to deal with outside of one-night stands!"

Max's head was spinning. Alec was, of course, being overly dramatic about it. But it sounded like he'd come up with a crude plan for now to get them through the day. "Okay, calm down. I just had my period like a week and a half ago. It shouldn't be back for another couple weeks at least. I act like a bitch to you because you're a dumbass and you're usually doing something to deserve it. I don't have, like, Super Periods with revved-up mood swings."

They both took a moment to collect themselves. Max broke the silence after a short while. "So we agree to go into work today and pretend to be each other 'til we can escape and try to make some sense of this shit."

"Sounds like the only option for now. Since someone has attendance issues."

"Pfft. Whatever. You'd better not screw up today. If you do anything strange or twisted while you're me, I will introduce you to a whole new world of hurt like you never experienced at Manticore." There was a chuckle on the other line. Max grunted. "Something funny?"

"Nah, nah. It just sounds so ridiculous to hear your tough-girl words and inflections in _my _voice. You know?"

Max glared in response. "Just don't screw up. Remember, if you do anything stupid..."

"I know, I know. World of hurt."

"I was actually gonna say, it works both ways. I've got _your_ body, too." With that, Max hung up the phone. She went to Alec's closet to figure out how to dress him for the day with a satisfied smirk on her borrowed face.

* * *

**A/N2: **That's all for now! Let me know what you think! I would love to hear feedback, whether it's an opinion or critique or even ideas for things you would like to see happen! More to follow soon. :)

Thanks,

Christique


End file.
